A Surprisingly Deep Conversation with that One Friend

It was on Wednesday, September 29th 2021.

I was initially have a kind or urge to call a long gone friend, he was a coworker and we were worked on the same thing for a short period of time. I said I just want to have a little chat because we haven’t talk in a while and the fact this invitation was effortless is kind of surprising me at the moment.

So the conversation begin, of course my main topic is about career — I’ve been struggling with this thought for months and I’m really sure others perspective will matter because the fact that I have minimum sightseeing to see today’s landscape in this industry.

It’s always a funny and great at the same time when you found yourself contemplating along the conversation. When you realized what you need the most is to find the blind spot for your problem. So to be short, it comes to the realization that it won’t be fair if I claim a specific field to be something I hate while the fact is I might haven’t knew it well enough, yet. Oh, there’s a line of his opinion that I think I need to quote “I prefer to be a generalist, because I think to be specialist will be something replaceable”. Other than that, I guess I won’t talk about the career part to far here.

We keep going with the conversation, he asked about what is my life’s purpose And I bluntly talk about it and we agree that… I don’t have one. Lol. The understanding that we’re all need it to be the motor of every actions we do, to be a reason why we wake up everyday, to overcome the impossibility in life — it got me thinking hard. But I think that’s okay, I’ll sleep on it and pretty optimistic that I will find it someday.

Last but not least, there was another great topic: to be mentally stable. We couldn’t agree more this is the key part in order being capable doing everything in our life. I was shock a little when he realized that I have an issue on this one. He gave me advice to seek for professional help as he shared his story and how helpful it was even it just feels like “foggy” thing in your head, it still need to be cleared up. Thing we often underestimate turn out could improve your quality of life.

The conversation on this topic made me realize it’s never about people’s opinion I care about for this years (6 years to be exact) but myself — I’m to afraid I don’t have enough capacity to receiving all everything that happens inside my head this whole life. I’m afraid it will be too hurt to know it. That’s why I choose to left it untouched. Honestly I know it’s not a good thing to do. Pandemic years beat me so hard. With minimum of distraction to escape, I have lost on many battles and it impacting a lot of things in my life; My health, my job, my relationship with people in my life. That much.

What he said after that hit me hard, the line likely is “What if, one day, you can’t go back from that place? You unable even standing on your feet? How you can help yourself?”, I had no word to say that time. “I think, you have to do something about it while you’re still unable to do it. Seeking for help”

I guess, here I am… I got many to do list after that long and deep talk with him.

Wish me luck!